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This Week In Joshville [07 Jan 2011|01:38am]
Holiday was about hearth, home and the quiet heroism that diaz-family-love brings, where suddenly everyone just lets their guards down and admits that we are (eloise-voice) RAWWWWTHER FOND of each other. We did that, and it was gorgeous and wonderful and they didn't even mind when I got drunk and passed out in the pillow fort.

been keeping track of day-to-day thoughts in a minute-to-minute journal. process is progress, and prognosis is positive. music, as always, soothes the savage breast. although I think there's something to be said for trying to feed the fire so as to finish the fuel, so to speak.

we learn, and we have to learn, to take care of ourselves. to apply poultices (and ligatures when necessary) to let the mind wander through may-be and shall without straying into what-if and should. And I suppose I might as well do it consciously for a while and see if at the end of the round I've got a better accuracy rating, right? I suspect there's a critical hit every once in a while.

On some days, the bad ones where I talk too much, I feel too old to be so unfamiliar to myself, but I am led to believe that this is what passes for normal.

a million hearts to you all, a unique glyph inscribed in the center of each one, wordlessly saying whatever it is I meant to say.
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abysmal meter [07 Jan 2011|01:11am]
[ mood | editorial ]

Completely a work in progress, but I think I'll have to backtrack. I'd wanted to interlace something in here with parentheticals, but it didn't pan out, and I should probably just cut the orb line anyways.

timorous hands covered in scales, white flakes with red creases,
(his orbs too, windows that warn as well as they inform)
nails cutting at keys to catch lines that drip out in teases
each crack a tectonic allegory of what happens to all that worry,
scars of old arguments of just who split who to the bone and why,
"Is the trick to write their shape?", he wonders,
write not what they shape, but what shapes them,"

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[21 Dec 2010|12:53am]

Tonight, waiting atop Powell St Station, I smiled at 3 other people with cigarettes in their mouths. One of them ran up to me, holding a little paper bag. I pulled an headphone out and we shook hands. She introduced herself -- Bonita -- and asked if I was "from here." Not natively, no. She went into her story -- moved out out at 22, worked for years in bad jobs, just lost the last one last month, didn't get a room in the SRO lottery, selling Street Sheets to make some money. I asked where she was from, and she said Louisiana. "No kidding? I'm going to visit my brother in New Orleans on Wednesday!" We laughed and she went into further detail, St Landry Parish, near but not in, Opelousa.

I asked if she was warm and dry, and was sorry I didn't have any dollars on me. I gave her two cigarettes -- "I don't smoke, but I'll sell them", and then she puts her hand on my wrist -- gentle -- and says what she needed to say: "Don't ever doubt your worth to another person, Josh. Don't ever doubt your worth to another person."
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what i have to say so far [06 Sep 2007|09:30pm]

"People are still asking me about the death of the book," Gibson
responds, "and yet here I am and every day I go out to the biggest
bookstores that have ever existed and are doing the most business daily
of any bookstores in history.

"It's the oldest and the first mass medium. And it's the one that
requires the most training to access. Novels, particularly, require
serious cultural training. But it's still the same thing -- I make
black marks on a white surface and someone else in another location
looks at them and interprets them and sees a spaceship or whatever.
It's magic.
It's a magical thing. It's very old magic, but it's very thorough. The
book is very well worked out, somewhat in the way that the wheel is
very well worked out."

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i just had to share this [15 Aug 2007|12:56am]

"A jerk system is a system whose behavior is described by a jerk equation"
"This equation has a chaotic solution for A=3/5 and can be implemented with the following jerk circuit:"

i had been told that the 4th derivative of displacement was snatch, but that may have been a punchline. regardless, put this in your jerk circuit.

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Untitled [13 Aug 2007|12:43pm]


oh wait that isn't funny

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onion av club interview with joss whedon [11 Aug 2007|02:27pm]
"Although now, my favorite subgenre, thanks to Drew Goddard, is the Final Fantasy VIII interstitial videos cut up to music by Evanescence. I think that's the movie I want to make."

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Zombi, Part 1 [10 Aug 2007|12:50am]

so resident evil 5 has a new trailer, it's made a storm, etc: this trailer displays a lot of zombie/infected people, all of whom look poor and are definitely black. i'll be writing two parts to this: one is dropping into the debate and wedging my fat mouth in the middle of an already-complicated conversation; the other is picking up Ethan Zuckerman's point about how the dialog is all wonky on this one, and what that means.
lots to followCollapse )

To be sure, if game-makers want to be taken seriously*, we'll be better served if we catch up with some of the cultural dialogues around us; in
fact, we have an excellent opportunity to leapfrog ahead of some of the crappier bits. Our landmark "Birth of A Nation" piece doesn't actually
have to be a piece of reactionary racist cultural bullshit (albeit of stunning technical excellence and emotive power), for instance.

*viz. any arguments about games as art, games as agents for social change, games as worthy of serious study, or games as a global media
phenomenon, even.

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the first five minutes of rain are different from the next 55; or hi! [06 Aug 2007|07:22pm]
Ok, so i'm just back into town, and i have much, much to say, but this is quick and doesn't require much of a write-up, but Warren Spector has a blog: http://junctionpoint.wordpress.com/

The name kind of hints at it and the writing proves it that it's definitely focused on the new studio, although he does have the usual drops into self-deprecation and analysis that are the hallmarks of a new blog getting its feet. Still, he also drops a lot of insight into his working process, and it is *very* awesome to see such a well-respected and championing game designer talking so openly about himself, his work, and his company. the stuff about junction point also functions as excellent PR, btw, to any corp-types who are listening.

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poems hidden on black walls [20 Jul 2007|05:25pm]

egyptian black metal, this time not from the midwest: http://wayneandwax.com/?p=153 [down near the bottom]

also, i have a lot to write about (good stuff from GLS, watching firefly in chicago) but i'm getting over some kind of nasty two-day superinfection and tonight i leave to visit guatemala. i'm going to xela for two weeks, although we're planning trips all over (including poss. a trip to chiapas, more on that if it happens for sure)

ok, i think i've got a format that kind of works. i'll be doing all my stuff here, but i'll be duplicating all my work/school/showable-to-people-who-don't-need-to-know-about-me-when-i-was-18 stuff over at dizzyjosh.wordpress.com [THAT MEANS YOU HAVE HUGE GUTS]

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starter post [20 Jul 2007|08:18am]

just back from a week of high-momentum information acquisition. i talked to people about things and also stuff.

I will start with some people:

mark 'danger' chen, to whom i owe the idea of talking about the people i ran into. i was foisted upon mark as the GLS students went to dinner on a boat to celebrate the end of the conference, and it was a totally fortuitous.  Mark listened to me ramble a bunch, shared a great meal, and shares a special bond with over the roleplaying opportunity afforded to evil jedi on the wookie home planet Kashyyyk  in the original KOTOR. the secret here is that encountering the Prisoner's Dilemma is more complicated than it looks.  I am really curious about his work;

Se4n Dunc4n: made fun of me a lot. but his work (with constance and it looks like david simkins, beth king and barbara johnson too) is so exciting:looking at  the 'theorycrafting' side of wow players as a kind of scientific literacy (first off, the models for scientific literacy are something i'd never heard of and are really interesting; but moreover, min/maxing really is where i got used to math and there are a lot of interesting questions brought up with this). he still made fun of me though.

Lauren Silberman: future classmate! we compared many notes and kind of hung out by default for a while on friday, which ended up being really nice because we both had a lot of the same things on our minds. Her undergraduate work with the GLS group at Madison seems to have prepped her really well for the greater conversations, and the work she wants to take on is a really neat juncture of some things that i don't know about; that's one of the really exciting things about the CMS program. like stepping into a party with a wide net of DJs, i'm getting a pleasurable juggling of the novel and familiar, old and new, me and dia..

also, "pleasurable juggling". sorry.

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ladies and gentlemen, behold the future: [04 Jul 2007|02:39pm]
"According to General, Proudmoore, Arthas, Alexstrasza, and probably a bunch of other servers had a problem with teleport-hacking suicidal real money trade advertising gnomes, but the GMs appear to be cleaning it up. :p"

yup, using a teleport hack to kamikaze level 1 gnomes into ironforge arranged to spell some gold-trading website's name/url in corpses on the floor.

Spencer Tunick wishes he could put this together.
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never gonna give you up [04 Jul 2007|04:23am]
still vacillating between this and another blog i've set up. I'm reluctant to give up all the history, despite it's histrionics. plus, like, there's you. maybe i'll change my icon and redecorate, although that still feels like a bit of a betrayal.

anyways, i'm on summer break here at the villa, and it's been speshul. hanging out with nicole, teasing the cats with outdoorsiness, actually hitting level 70, still reading strong.

oh, that's a good idea. I will talk about the books I've read:

a vertically-aligned shelf stacked half full of comic books; walking dead, dmz, global frequency are current faves. walking dead is a beautiful (soap) opera about the hardscrabble, violent life of survivors of a zombie apocalypse. the pacing is lovely and poignant (especially in the sense of sharp), although i had the advantage of reading 30-odd issues over the course of a month weekend day (being honest here). dmz is the cyber/punk take on a near-future civil war that leaves manhattan a sort of exclave of its own and dances the line between cynicism and idealism such that it confounds my admittedly weak political thinking, and global frequency is warren ellis being witty at a billion miles an hour and also managing to be totally heartfelt and/or gross when necessary. like taking shots of whiskey interspersed with an occasional surprise bite of cinnamon rolls and horseradish. except i haven't vomited at warren ellis yet.

(note to self:stick to recommendations, not reviews)

also tons of books on media (i am trying to assimilate marshall mcluhan's already-known-to-everyone revelation that most technology and especially infrastructural technology, is a form of media-- that makes my spin); lightbulbs appear to be slightly different from running tap water because they bring something to our eyes instead of mouth and skin, but they shift they provide in terms of changing the dimensions and activities of life is comparable and made of the same stuff, it feels now). in order to keep my self balanced, there are also novels ( john barth why must you treat sex with the same adolescent spontaneity that marks really awkward sci-fi sex? is it a thing?) and books on biology (synopsis: it's complicated, but it's awesome, and it's definitely very real so knock it off pplkthx!)

i spend too much energy in my life getting foot-stomping mad about people dissing science and religion; more of the former, lately, but still. i am srsly feelin' jeffrey rowland most of the time and it hurts.

something about this place makes me so long-winded. i am hoping that i meant 'livejournal', although come to think of it no, it's probably whatever space is defined when you are talking about Josh using Words. Because you are invariably talking about a lot of them. well, visual C# sp1 (so i can run visual C# so i can run XNA so i can figure out what the hell it is) is almost done installing, and so i'll talk about the Journey of Mylo tomorrow.
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[29 Apr 2007|01:43am]

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[28 Apr 2007|09:16pm]
ok post #2 today:

does anybody else find it really weird on dedication 2 when lil wayne starts telling her (us, really, because there's no her there), when he cries out "faith, i'm too much...you can call me a slut, i'll be your slut"?

just checking.
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[28 Apr 2007|08:09pm]
so one of the things that's been in my head lately is that "this is the year of no coincidences". i mean something very queer and personal about that-- it's neither pretending that everything is planned out, but it is a fun way of trying to draw patterns across everything. It could be taken the opposite way, actually-- this is the year of all coincidences. Because for me the whole magic is what happens inside your head when you see two things that are related. Everything else is just the story you explain why all of a sudden two things became connected. Sometimes it defies reason, sometimes you learn something about the world, sometimes you learn something about the way you see it. It is a probably my second favorite way to look at the world, and it brings me no end of delight, and this year i'm paying attention to it.

anyways, i'm just looking at a pair of old sneakers of mine that have embossed on the sides "HOLOS ESTI SUMBEBEKOS" which if i am remembering correctly *and* i did my greek correctly the first time around, means "EVERYTHING IS COINCIDENTAL" -- i'm pretty sure aristotle's phrasing was kata sumbebekos, but ffs they are a pair of shoes. i welcome corrections.

so i accepted at MIT. We...accepted each other. I'll be part of the Comparative Media Studies dept, specifically working on a research project called "GAMBIT". As I have been informed, our first project is finding new ways to make playing cards explode. I'll have to develop a thick but entirely inaccurate 'cajun' accent. I am looking forward to the Morlocks and also make outs with Rogue. and roguelikes.

i am also moving out of my apt. This weekend. I am procrastinating on packing and cleaning *RIGHT NOW*. I'm here liveblogging my procrastination. This is so intense it makes your heart throb and your nose bleed.

anyways i still don't have a car and i will be even further away from 'society' and 'friends' but i hope that i will eventually capture and feast upon the mythical alicorn of free time. leaving work in june will probably help with that. I'll be leaving for New England in like late july. Between then, There will be A Summer. That's awesome, and you are invited.

selah yadadamean
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[23 Mar 2007|09:27pm]
two things:

1) when sylvannas windrunner tells you that she "hasn't lost any love for the homeland of her people" it totally cements the lore behind the Blood Elves joining the Horde, and

2) I was accept[ed] into MIT's CMS program (http://cms.mit.edu)

edit: me still don't do english good, do me?

more news...in the future!
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"blood on my hands" [27 Feb 2007|12:46am]
thoughts after reading k-punk

1) I've always been fond of the idea (no idea who else might have said this,but it's not original to me, jeff explained this one i think one foggy new year's eve in orange county) but that a lot of the dronier metal (darkthrone for one, gororoth for another, maybe khanate to complete a trinity) relies on alot on a minkowsky/riemann style 'stretched' sense of the relative scale space-- it takes forever to get through a piece of a song and certainly expands over time but at a rate that seems incommensurate with the everyday scaling of time and space. if the tracks are like 8,12,15 minutes long, there's (as kpunk says) a metaphysical framework for it. there's an awful lot to be said about the sublime and the aesthetic value of feeling completely stripped away or diminished by something huge and i guess alien. And i do get that sense more from jungle than from the louder/bassier dubstep stuff--- some breakcore makes me feel this way too, but mostly it (or of late) has the flavor more of either 'party music for ADD spazoids' or 'polished polemic of unpolished politics' than anything else.

2) i don't know if this counts, but Seth Putnam, the guy behind Anal Cunt, released an "acoustic black metal" album that received small but still fervent attention in the metal world. Apparently there was even 'mad internet drama' over the band's fansite. The band was called"Impaled Northern Moonforest" and basically extend the joke aboutgrindcore that is anal cunt wholly into the world of black metal, withtrack titles like "Forlorned Invocations Of Blasphemous Congregations Of Lusting Goat Sodomizing Sathanis" and "Entranced By The Northern Impaled Necrowizard's Blasphemous Incantation Amidst The Agonizing Abomination Of The Lusting Necrocorpse". I guess it's funny but kind of like anal cunt i usually wish that the songs just someone clearly enunciating the song titles in a funny voice so that i could play it on the radio.

2.5) wtf is up with the power metal kids and our "gloombient" and Hordecore brothers? it's a totally weird angle- probably more 'warhammer'* than D&D, too, if that means anything to you. i have like 2 cds from a band called Za Frumi who sing in tolkien's blackspeech these ridiculous radio dramas about orcs sieging a vampire's castle and getting completely pwnt and stuff. the vampire's motif has some christian chant theme (although it sounds too harmonic to be legit, not that i have any ear for keys)
or the (still in neo-fascist mode, i guess) folk metallers, copying over old folk songs? i super like some of storm's stuff, for instance, but i have to be disingenuous and use my Critical Privelige to ignore the meanings of their retarded nationalistic lyrics-- although honestly i always want to side with the trolls anyways? I've got entire text files here of retarded introspection about Orcs. Nicole and i were talking about this and i talked about how metal and dubstep were both kind of obsessed with their own imagery but she rightly pointed out that metal (whether it's more hesher-oriented or weirdy-beardy) was basically mythological, something i'm not sure happens on the surface of dubstep, although it might be present sonically with little snippets and motifs from rave being dredged back up. even the goofiness that is Nile have a badass comic book buried in their (false, iconic) history.

oh, i probably borked my chances for GDC and meeting profs early and getting to see rad lectures/roundtables by mcgonical and shaffer , but i'm very excited about prospects at Madison and getting to visit in April. I've gotten a lot of help and advice from people over the past few months (many years?) and i'm very, very grateful for it. also, anyone here know anything about sunny auyang? (jessica, you might want to ask your sonny this one, i'm curious to know what she's on about but i just had to turn her cog sci book back in at the library)

*on the warhammer note, who here has the heard the art of perception 'Sound of Warhammer' stuff? bunch of cologne techno nerds and john starlight, the same guy who did ZOMBIE NATION on a single compilation making techno about eldar (mayer's comtribution puts all his trancephilia in context for reals) and the blood angels (find the chris liebing remix)?? too bad the ork offering suxx-- in no part does it sound bolted on, potentially explosive, or like it was painted red in order to make it go faster.

**edit because my handcoded html suxxx
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[20 Dec 2006|11:18pm]
don't have the time to say as much as i'd like, but i just want to do this real quick

--from :http://www.cnn.com/2006/POLITICS/12/20/lawmaker.koran/index.html
"The Muslim representative from Minnesota was elected by the voters ofthat district and if American citizens don't wake up and adopt the Virgil Goode position on immigration there will likely be many more Muslims elected to office and demanding the use of the Quran." -- virgil goode

Wow, Mr. Goode, I bet you are totally right. You have indeed played on my fears. I will now act quickly to do everything in my meagre power to not wake up and adopt the Virgil Goode position on immigration, and indeed to rally other Americans to the cause, in order to elect more Muslims and get out of the single-digit grip of your retarded honky bonkers theocracy.

fucking asshat.
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[14 Dec 2006|01:42am]
ha right, how much of how many entries on the blagonets are devoted to the poster convincing themselves and their friends that they will post more in the near future?

well, i coulllllld do a massive infodump here and count that. and i will. but i'll put up some words too, because these have proven helpful in the past.

Read more...Collapse )

i wonder what happens if you stack a bunch of lj cuts inside each other. anything?

anyways i don't give up. but i do redouble my efforts and set my alarm a little earlier each day.
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